lifes not so hard.

My Sweet baby boy. it seems crazy that 7 weeks ago he was just this little. now my big boy is 14lbs. Hes actually looking more and more like his daddy now. just brown like me though :) hes not smiling yet, and i cant wait till he does! last night i read something and i coulddnt help but to just grab his perfect tiny body and hold him and kiss him till he practically had to push me away. i realized how lucky i truely was. hes waking up every 3 hours at night, so i get to see jessi leave and vanessa. haha. im staring at his cute chubby face in his favorite swing falling asleep. oh what a life... i do miss aj, and im going to be sad leaving this weekend to merced. james will miss his daddy, i play softball on thursday now on a co-ed team. its alot of fun i missed it! well im trying to be a vegetarian but i couldnt help my craving for a famous star today. Darn. ill try again tomorrow haha. im trying to pray extra hard lately, sometimes things just dont go my way, i get confused on how to pray for surtain things, so ill just talk to him. he knows my heart and mind, so he will help me.i want to give james everything i had but can i? can i be the mother my mom was to her boys and girls? how does she do it? im trying to play peacemaker and make sure Aj sees his son as much as possible, i want james to stop crying when he hold him just like he does when i do, i want Aj to hold him and James knows thats his daddy, i know that hes just a baby and only wants me pretty much, which yes i secretly adore :) i just want to feel what james can do when he looks at you like i feel. i guess im just a mommy now. :)